Questions and No Answers.

Wanting to train is the biggest strain on brain. Not even a rhyme I intended but still better that talking about cycling.

I wonder why I decided to undertake this challenge. What am I proving? What am I hoping to learn? Not sure I know the answer to any of the above. There is of course those few minutes, hours of euphoria on completing such a task assuming one is completed. Then again one might wonder, why do I only start the dear diary shit when I'm not feeling good and therefore have more time to moan. I also seem to wonder alot.
It's wonderful.

So on previous point had I written this last Saturday week on completion of 105k with more climbing that expected, with a faster average than expected and with less effort than expected possibly I'd be more positive. But I didn't as I was too busy wallowing in self praise and enjoyment. Who has time to write then?

A great day in the mountains where realistically I didn't struggle until 93k in. The first 67k were a dream including a successful Sally gap climb, a previous nemesis of mine, before a quick pit stop and back to the Wicklow gap, the hills of Hollywood and home. Averaging a more than impressive (in my book) 26kpm really helps the successful feeling of the day. Never mind the sun shining and a tad of tan it was the perfect cycling day. Not many days you're hoping for a breeze on the Wicklow gap. Not a breath of air as a old man once said.

So done and dusted after a brief spin Monday to loosen out, back seriously in the saddle for a swift 30 at 30 on Wednesday felt good but not fast enough. But when ever is one happy with ones achievements. Is striving for more a curse or a blessing. Either way I've 200k to complete in 3 weeks now so that sorta talk is off the table.

We've decided to be positive. Not a decision you can force your mind to take but sure we'll try. I don't feel very positive and saying you are going to be positive is one thing. Achieving and beating the mind monkeys is another step. Music, podcasts conversation, distraction in all and any way are welcome but inside ones head is another place. And noone can talk you out of that.

Training is a drag. Talking myself out of training isn't. The plan for sunday was a 100 plus up the gaps to test what I built last week. But I got up and didn't go. Many excuses. The main one when you get to this level of training is always family. Which is more important. Spending quality time or achieving a task that means nothing. Yes I'll be fitter but how does that enrich my son's life. I'm not sure on all or any of the answers but I've committed now. So eventually Sunday I got out and once you are out its never as bad as you expect. The average improves, the motivation to improve it grows as does the search for new interesting roads and routes and then 62k under the belt ya get home and wonder could you have done more. Course ya could. You always can. Bar injury the body can always be pushed. And can always be pushed more by someone else. The internal turnoff switch always saves some reserve. I assume a built in fight or flight saving. The battery never dies.

So the week in future is high gear turbo hour today, off tomorrow, 30k wed, 64k hills thurs and a 30k spin to bring in the weekend away. Far away from the bike.

Then we're down to the final two weeks. Training. Eating. Thinking. Recovering. Planning. Thinking. Thinking. And let's face it probably more thinking.

It probably doesn't help but it's always on your mind.

To succeed one needs to win the battle inside.

A tune for tonight...
Pet Shop Boys....Always On My Mind.